My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
