420 ftw
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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