I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
