I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
