Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
