Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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