she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Randomize
