i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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