remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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