I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize