Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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