At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
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