so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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