I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
