I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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