she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Someone came in the potted fern
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
