I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
