I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
