i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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