just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
