Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
