I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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