it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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