You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize