My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
