Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
