And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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