I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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