You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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