It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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