I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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