I think scott just propositioned me for sex
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
