my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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