My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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