Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
