You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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