She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
