is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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