hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Randomize
