i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
