i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
