dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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