I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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