seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
