Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
