I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
