I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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