You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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