so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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