When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
