I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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