Tell her she can't have a vagina
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
