Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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