I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
