Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Do vagina's smell?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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