we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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