..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
