update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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