you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
