We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
