I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
she looked like the before picture.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize