and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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