hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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