I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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