oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
