Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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