i permit you to call me
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
