This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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