Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize