Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Pooping to opera.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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