Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
