Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize