When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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