I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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