I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
