So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
