It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
