I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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