What did we do last night that was yellow?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize