No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
