I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
