don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
