You just made me feel so damn special
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
