My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize