Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
