My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
