WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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