Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
