I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
