if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
barbara walters just said penis...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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