WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
