the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
