what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I have fence marks all over my body
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
