good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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