yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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