if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
