triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
