dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
