If i could tip my vagina, i would.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
