these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
