I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
