Girls should come with a carfax report
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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