I want to have your abortion
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
