she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
