It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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