"it" just moved
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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