They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
