Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
