Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
My life is pants optional.
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